Ashamed to be Australian …

So something that isn’t reflected in any of my blogs at the moment is that I have been travelling as a Kiwi. I had decided to do this before I left because I was travelling on my own and was a little concerned about the impact of the Indian student bashings in Melbourne. I have tossed up between admitting Im Australian and being able to have a conversation about racial issues in Australia, and talk about the media’s reporting of it etc, and saying that I’m a Kiwi and play it safe and easy. In the first week that I was here, I was in Kolkata and someone asked me where I was from (this happens about a dozen times a day), I said Australia, when they asked where I told them Melbourne. The woman and man replied “oooh Australia is very naughty, they are not liking Indian people anymore” … I tried to explain that a few bad people were making Australia very embarrassing to me and that I really loved India and the people, and that most of Australia was grateful for the students coming to Australia. As I started to explain, I had this horrible moment where I realized that in fact I wasn’t sure that the ‘majority’ of people in Australia WERE happy that Indian students wanted to come to our country to learn. I was reminded of when I was here as a student in 2003. I was treated with so much respect, gratidute, familial kindness and was truly made to feel at home in India and in the community. I don’t remember a time where I asked an Indian student sitting on an Australian tram if they were enjoying Australia, if they needed any help while they were here, if they needed help with their English, if they were missing home and would like to come and eat with me in mine, or to thank them for coming to my country and I hope they feel at home … all of these things were asked of me or offered to me DAILY when I am here in India. So … I travelled again as a Kiwi .. to hide my embarrassment and humiliation and even to avoid confrontation since I was at that point travelling on my own.

Amritsar – We are in a Sikh family-run and owned guest house. Myself and Nadia have both been really sick – one morning one of the sons knocks on our doors to bring up tea because he is worried that we haven’t been eating enough, another morning the Father leads us across to the nearest doctor and explains our symptoms and waits to see we are attended to asap, when I told him he didn’t need to wait, he says “you are a guest in my hotel and in my country, this makes you my family”. On the last day we were there, I was feeling much better but Nadia was still ill. We had to check out of our hotel at 10am and our bus to Bikaner wasn’t until later in the day. The eldest son took Nadia to his room within the hotel for her to lay down and rest until our bus. He offered his room, his bathroom, his shower and made sure no one went near the room so it was as quiet as possible. While Nadia was resting so generously in the family’s private room, myself and Stacey sat and read in the lobby. The Manager (the father), Kuku (a HUGE Sikh man with long silver beard and moustache, he was atleast 6ft and VERY solid like most Sikh men), who we had befriended over the days we’d been there came out to introduce us to his wife. She sits down with us and starts talking, very excited and keen to chat to her guests. She asks where we are from … I cant say New Zealand because Kuku had our passports and knew we were Australian. I say Australia, Melbourne. She says “oooh dear, the people there are liking to punch punch our people” … we find out through her broken English with her son filling in the gaps, that their other son was sent to Australia to study Accounting .. he came home for his school holidays and while he was home in India his flat mate was badly bashed and put in hospital. His mother and father did not allow him to return because they were so scared he would be hurt while in Australia. Kuku explains that he wanted to open a hotel in Australia, or a restaurant but would not put his family at risk and so has decided not to. I feel the tears welling in my eyes .. these amazing people who have looked after us while we are sick, have opened up their private quarters to let a sick friend rest, who have considered us guests in their hotel, in their state, in their country .. have had to bring their son home from Australia because they were afraid for his safety. The embarrassment and shame was overwhelming. What can you say?? Im sorry? Hardly cuts it. That was about the 6th time that I had had a negative reaction to saying I was from Australia .. the figure would have been far higher had I been telling people that I actually was from there. I am drafting a letter to newspapers at home about this … to share both my experience as a student in India and the embarrassment and shame I feel being here now. In one of the poorest places on the planet, the people have more kindness, courtesy, dignity and respect for family, community, education, culture, health and well being than our fucked up country has in its racist little finger. I know New Zealand doesnt have it quite right either, but they are a hell of a lot closer than we are.

So, I've decided ... when I am speaking with someone who I can have a conversation with about Australia and it's people, I will tell them I am Australian. Other than that, I'm travelling as a Kiwi - to atleast hold some level of self respect.

Australia ... you are a great shame to me.

On a lighter note ... I have attached a few pictures from the Matta Temple in Amritsar. It is an absolutely spectacular maze of mirrored images covering walls, ceilings, staircases and alcoves, with brilliant goddesses at every turn .. people come here to pray for children and fertility. Mostly women come to this very busy temple to offer flowers and treats to the goddesses, but men also come to wish for children. It was a really beautiful and special temple .. you could feel the strength of woman in the air and the togetherness was really obvious - knowing everyone was there for the same reason was really something else. Thank god I am woman or I may have no pride left at all!!